My, how things have changed since I was in high school, or even college. Although the part about being every girl's best friend in high school does ring a faint bell or two....
LATELY I've become wary of the question "Frank, what are you doing next Saturday night?" In the month of May it can only mean one thing: I'm going to yet another prom. And no, I'm not doing a favor for a cousin. Cousins are out. I'm this century's new answer to the last-minute prom date: the gay best friend.
By the end of June I'll have worn the tuxedo I swiped from the school drama department three or four times. While most 18-year-old guys are preparing for their one big night, I'm whipping up more magical evenings than Lance Burton or David Copperfield.
I am also swimming in corsages. I went to the florist today for the second time this week, and she gave me a suspicious look. Does she know what I'm up to? After all, I can't be the only one who understands that gay is the new cousin.
Until recently this wasn't really possible, because most gay men postponed coming out until college or later, if they came out at all. But now more and more young men are coming out in high school. I knew I was gay in sixth grade and came out in eighth. Originally I didn't plan to tell anyone until ninth grade, when I would enroll in a new school, but I decided I needed to let people know who I really was.
My decision had a traumatic aftermath. How is a school supposed to handle the coming out of an eighth grader? My middle school also contained an elementary school, and alarmed parents feared for their little children, worried, I suppose, that I might convert them or something.
I endured a set of excruciating meetings with school administrators during which parameters for my behavior were discussed. That and the cruelty of my classmates left me feeling isolated and scared, and I found myself turning mostly to girls for support and friendship. Although things improved in high school, I still found myself relying primarily on friendships with girls, some of whom I met at summer drama camps and who attended different schools. As I see it, these girls saved me, and now it's my turn to save them. Dancing a few steps in a beautified gymnasium is the least I could do to thank the girls who helped me become who I am....
'Now I get to be like everybody else'
By Greg Garber
ESPN.com
HANOVER, N.H. – Margarita Monday at Molly's on Main Street.
Those sweet, lime-colored, tequila-drenched drinks are the overwhelming hydration choice of this modest gathering of Dartmouth College lacrosse players.
It's all legal. The waitress duly carded all four team members, as well as their eight companions, on this evening in late April. There's a predictable run on buffalo chicken, rib-eye steaks and Caesar salads, loud talk and that typically bawdy collegiate humor.
Andrew Goldstein, leaning back in a commanding corner seat, surveys the scene and smiles. Even though he has a test tomorrow on the daunting structure of cells, he is happy to be here, hanging with his teammates. The All-American goalie, the guy everyone calls "Goldie," fits right in.
The fact that he's publicly gay – an unprecedented turn of events in its own way – doesn't seem to matter. Goldstein, who graduates in two weeks, routinely faced blurring, hard rubber balls that approached 100 miles an hour during his distinguished four-year collegiate career. And yet, his courage cannot be measured by the 110 saves he recorded this season.
There are a handful of gay professional athletes – David Kopay, Billy Bean, Esera Tuaolo – who came out after their careers ended. There are a number of talented gay collegiate athletes, some who play individual sports at the Division I level (such as California gymnast Graham Ackerman), others from team sports at the Division II and III levels.
But Andrew Goldstein, according to those who document these things, is the most accomplished male, team-sport athlete in North America to be openly gay during his playing career. He revealed his sexuality to his team after the 2003 season, and an online essay that appeared on Outsport.com elevated his story to national prominence.
Yet as Goldstein points out, "gay All-American" is a phrase that is still contradictory for some.
"All-American is what you think of, you know, the three kids, the white picket fence, All-American," Goldstein said. "And gay does not fit into that. So it's nice for me to hear 'gay All-American,' and to think it's just the same as 'All-American.' ".....
I went to a Division III level school. Knew lots of jocks, such as they were. Can't imagine a single one of them ever coming out at school. Mind, outside the team, the news would have been met with perhaps a shrug and a hearty, "So what? ... wait, you mean we have a [insert name of sport here] team? When did that happen?" (Athetics were not up there in current student consciousness.) Inside the team, however, would have been a different thing.
You do wonder, in this country, what the fallout might be of having (in theory) everyone in the country knowing that you're gay. On the other hand, being in a position where you absolutely can't hide, ever, might sometimes be a good thing. Or possibly not, depending on where you are in life at the time.
Posted by iain at June 01, 2005 01:38 PM
